Anxiety and Middle Age

[Andream]

I was born, raised and went to college in the same town: Salt Lake City, Utah.

For many years I barely left the confines of my own state. Only going as far as the San Rafelle Swell, Moab and the Unitas on occasion.

After college,(I did graduate but that did not go well in my opinion,) I was determined to "See the World" and live in many places, far from the place that I had grown so accustom.

In 2006 I moved to Honolulu, HI and found out several important things:

1. It is hard to pay off student loans

2. Always have something for a rainy day ( a full months expenses would be the bare minimum)

3. Relationships that are strained by stress and not strengthen by it are doomed

3. Dress your age

In 2010 I move back to Utah, a bit dejected.

For all the learning and exciting experiences I had, here I was back at the beginning. This was a Shoots and Ladders game that I was loosing.

In late 2012 I finally had the money together to reach escape velocity again. This time I ended up in Portland, Or

Since I've done the whole moving thing before, I thought surely that this would be easy by comparison. While my monetary woes are not so terrible, finding friends and people I have things in common with has proven very difficult.

I'm shocked at how I feel like the first day of high school in ever situation. I'm not young, not stupid, not unattractive. When did I become the gawky loner that stands in the corner mumbling? I make a comment in the lunch room and everyone goes quiet like I'm not there. I've shown up to meet up groups and pretty sure no one wants me around.

Tomorrow I offered to run a DnD game at a local gaming store and I'm so nervous I can't sleep.

It seems wrong to me that I'm over 30 and still so insecure and self critical.

In the end, I'll always have you guys and that's not so bad. Do not fear the weird girl in the corner, she just wants to be friends.

[Andream]

Thank you. Appreciate it.

[Sarah H]

Good luck with the dnd game!