Since this seems to be the popular thing to do these days, and I'm quite the pro at procrastinating, I decided to jump on the bandwagon. Why not. And since I'm not web-famous/have a really common last name like John and Hank, I think I'll just use the first name for now.
Q: Type in "[your name] needs" in the Google search.
A: "Chelsea needs to be redeemed or killed off..."
"Chelsea needs to tuck her meat better, I think I saw a ball hanging out."
Q: Type in "[your name] looks like" in Google search.
A: "Anyone else think Chelsea looks like a drag queen?"
"Chelsea looks like she's trying to strangle herself with my camera strap." [Man. I just can't win today.]
Q: Type in "[your name] says" in Google search.
A: "I'm not leaving West Ham for Chelsea, says Zola." [this is what you get when your name doubles as a location.]
"Asian Players? Chelsea says no we say maybe."
Q: Type in "[your name] wants" in Google search.
A: "Chelsea wants your ephemera."
"Chelsea wants to hunt down the Oscars."
Q:Type in "[your name] does" in Google search.
A: "Chelsea does more homosexual pandering."
"Chelsea does Duke, disses dad." [I do enjoy alliteration.]
"Chelsea does Cabaret...Mommy needs the money!"
Q: Type in "[your name] hates" in Google search.
A: "OMG...Chelsea HATES grass!!!"
"Chelsea hates me more than you." [Probably, yes.]
Q: Type in "[your name] asks" in Google search.
A: "Chelsea asks Sean for some drugs."
"Chelsea asks a group of senior citizens what they think of Hugh Hefner's lifestyle."
Q: Type in "[your name] likes " in Google search.
A: "Chelsea likes to hump."
"Chelsea likes Nylabones." [Which is some kind of dog bone, apparently. I clicked.]
"Chelsea likes creepy photos."
Q: Type in "[your name] eats " in Google search.
A: "Chelsea eats for once!"
"Chelsea eats for large groups?"
"Chelsea eats children." [Yes. Yes I do.]
"Chelsea eats floating particles in the air!"
Q: Type in "[your name] wears " in Google search.
A: "Chelsea wears a duck suit!"
"Chelsea wears red, parties with gays."
"Chelsea wears glittery, green trousers that sparkle as she walks!" [Oh. Dear god.]
Q: Type in "[your name] was arrested for" in Google Search.
A: "Chelsea was handcuffed and arrested in front of her classmates after writing on her desk." [what the hell?!]
"Chelsea arrested for drink driving." [Very different from drunk driving.]
"Chelsea fans banned and arrested for throwing celery."
Q: Type in "[your name] loves" in Google Search.
A. "Chelsea loves gay bars." [might as well stick to the theme.]
"Chelsea loves yooh." [No, but I do love YOU.]
"Chelsea LOVES her tennis balls, she goes through two or three of them a WEEK."
And these are the lyrics to some song I found called "Chelsea Baby" that I found highly amusing.
Chelsea baby let's run away
To some third world country
Exploit the workers, rape the land
Get money for dope from your old man
Chelsea baby what's with your pops
Each time i call, he sends the cops
Meet me at the crumbs' show tonight
Pack your shit. we'll be alright!
Auntie tipper raided your underwear drawer
& burned your riot grrl shirt & called
You "whore" & playing the fascist p.m.r.c role
She wiped her butt with m.r.r
Chelsea hates her mom & chelsea hates her dad
Chelsea hates the state she finds it very sad
So grab your shit tonight & man
We'll flee & squat under a bridge in the florida keys