death, family that may not technically be, and me

so i recently had a family member die.  BEFORE YOU START TYPING YOUR SYMPATHIES please keep reading.  again, this last week i've been thinking about death.  you see, i don't mourn.  sure, wherever we go from here, death is always tragic.  i don't care if one goes peacefully, or the worst pain, at 9 or 90.  death sucks.

for years though, i've felt more sympathetic pain for my friends and family than over my own loss.


also to be fair, 'family member' may be off accoding to some.  she is my cousins' grandma.  i was closer to her than one of my actual grandmothers though.  don't really expect tons of responses to this now, so anyone interested in discussing the finer points of 'what makes a family' can feel free to start their own in the forum here, or come visit me in your pants

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Comment by Sarah Schendted on December 4, 2012 at 10:50pm

my grandfather just passed. but i miss what could have been more. he was sweet and calm. and was sad.... but i had a good cry and then... nothing.  he was old in poor health. my grandmoth had died a year before and none of us expected him to last long without her.  but they way i see it..... he knew what was going on. and he was at peace.  how can i be torn up about him leaving, if he wasnt? mouring is many shapes and sizes

Comment by Danno on September 19, 2011 at 3:27pm
that makes a lot of sense.  and i'm sorry about your dad, but glad you have processed your grief.
Comment by Plottoberry on September 16, 2011 at 1:38pm

I never lost anyone, but I do wonder how you go without mourning. I think everyone mourns over a lot of things, only it can be done is so many ways and sometimes you don't expect that it would go in that way (messy sentence). You see, I lost my Dad 8 years ago. Not that he died. No, he just ran off with his colleage and I never saw him again. I always thought that I was uneffected by it, but looking back, my anger towards him only stopped two years ago. I think that is, in some way, also a part of mourning. Do you understand what I mean?

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