Let me just start off by saying that we, the UK, do not give a Miley Cyrus about the Olympics. According to a recent survey, almost half of the population has declared that they are not looking forward to the Olympic Games.

Why? Let me break it down:

  1. Since the announcement that we would be hosting the Olympics in 2012, our enthusiasm has been exhausted by the media hype.
  2. We don't care about sports. That is probably why we never win any kind of World Cup in any sport.
  3. Billions of the taxpayer's money has been spent on refurbishing London, building stadiums etc etc.
  4. The majority of British people who applied to get tickets DIDN'T EVEN GET TICKETS.
  5. The Tickets site f*cked up within hours of being launched.
  6. We're going to have to spend hours in Heathrow and Gatwick airports because of the queues when we try to escape the Olympic Mania.
  7. Everything is magically becoming more expensive so that large companies can sap the wallets of tourists.
  8. The word "2012" is being shoved in our faces, practically forcing us to be excited. I will be excited when you get me those EFFING tickets for the event MY family is paying for!!!
  9. It's not like we're going to win anything we care about, like football.
  10. Every single advert for food, drink, etc etc is sponsoring 2012, the official brand of everything we're ever going to see from now on.
  11. Every athlete that no one gave a crap about is being shoved in our faces as our new idols. I'm sorry, I don't speak Hockey, therefore I don't know you or care that you love Coca Cola. Eff off.
  12. We have created possibly the worst mascots of all time: Wenlock and Mandeville, creatures supposedly fashioned from droplets of steel used to build the stadium, i.e. terrifying one-eyed cybermen. How lovely.
  13. We're bitter British cynics who even scrutinise Christmas every year. We don't like anything or anyone, and we definitely don't like fun.
The Real Reason: Our government has used our taxes for The Olympics, not given most of us tickets, tripled our university tuition fees, cut pensions, cut benefits for disabled people and people with cancer and EXPECTS US TO STAY IN THE UK FOR THE OLYMPIC GAMES. "But you can see it on T.V at home," they plead, "so that our planes and runways and tickets can be used for the deserving Olympic tourists for whom we will triple the price of everything because they're that gullible. We're all in it together, remember?"
I'm sorry, have you not met David Cameron and his Con Dem Coalition? No? Never mind, I'll rant a bit about them later on. For now, though, to all of you painfully enthusiastic and optimistic Nice Americans:

We're British. We're cynics.

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Tags: UK, politics, the


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Comment by hopelesscynic on May 9, 2012 at 1:28pm

Yes, I must admit that there is a certain satisfaction in having a British accent whilst among Americans, and you're spot on: they turn to "putty". And I appreciate the wit in your comment, it is really quite brilliant. Thanks indeed, American Cynic. DFTBA.

Comment by Beth DeLong on May 9, 2012 at 10:08am

Ha, and the irony continues. Of all the American dream-girl names to choose, the only Brinteys I know are Canadian and Dutch. And I, unlike many Americans, do not think that Canada is part of the US. See, the difference in my response and what might have come out of my fellow continent-dwellers is that I am not a very good "American." I place that in quotations because I love my country, freedom, political understanding and all but I do not really subscribe to the "American" aspects that seem to be the only face we wear to the world. I stay away from fast food, shun American Idol and all things "reality" and don't participate in the Starbucks revolution. I separate Starbucks from fast food because anything that has more than 10 locations within 4 city blocks is in a world of it's own. The sad thing is, that many people don't see this as Americanization and just see it as the world they live in. So many items in our - mine and your - daily lives are so American-focused that when something new can actually break out over here, people loose their minds! The clothing, music, vocabulary, and, the worst, accents. Something about Americans, male and female, that makes them putty in the hand of anyone or anything that has an accent. Nobody is enchanted by a northern states nasal tone or a southern drawl but if you say "trolly" instead of "cart," somebody would hand you the moon if you wanted it. Thank all of creation Justin Beiber doesn't have some accent or else we should all check out now. But wait, isn't he Canadian? Oh well, the girls that listen think it is part of the US anyways.

Comment by hopelesscynic on May 8, 2012 at 12:58pm

Ah, your American cynicism is refreshing from the typical "Hi, my name is Britney and I'm American and I love being American and I love life with its American flowers and birds and rabbits". And the irony of a British invasion of America really made my day, I've never heard of it so thank you Beth :) It's ironic, because everywhere I turn, both here in the UK and abroad, seems to revolve around the US. All of your films are watched and praised like our own, all your celebrities fly over for interviews 24/7, even your Krispy Kremes dominate the doughnut isle in the supermarket. And I cynically despise this, with my fellow cynics, whilst munching into Kentucky Fried Chicken and obsessing over American rock bands. However, we're not being invaded by America per se; we're being invaded by commerce. American commerce, those huge golden arches gleaming on every street corner. While the world has already been seized by "Americanism", I think it's quite funny that Britishness is seeping into the US. I actually had no idea. As Britain is one of the US' main allies, it is virtually impossible that you get rid of us that easily, much like it is impossible for us to remain American-free. Our cinemas would go out of business pretty soon, I'm sure of it.

Comment by Beth DeLong on May 7, 2012 at 3:14pm

While I am an (nice-ish) American, I too fall into the "cynical" category. You are currently experiencing the Olympinization of your nation while mine has been overrun with all things British. While I love BBC and am a Who-vian to the death, the rate of world-to-British information and entertainment (Downton Abbey, anyone) that our media is focusing on is staggeringly unbalanced. Nations could rise and fall to dust and all that people here would be aware of is either what Will and Kate did last weekend or something Kardashian (please excuse my use of the "K" word). To solidify my suspicions of this this epidemic, I got invited to a royal wedding viewing party - at 4am- by a woman from South Carolina. Now something about that screams Anglofile but maybe that is just me. Now I know it is not any single persons fault and there may not be a place for fault at all but really, REALLY! Actually, you know what, I blame Beckham. There, I said it.

I lived in Atlanta during the 1996 Olympics and I can say that sadly, there is nothing magical about them once everyone rolls out of town. We have too many empty sports venues, athlete's dorms that have been poorly converted into college dorms, and a giant burnt torch that looks a bit like a McDonald's fry box sitting in the middle of downtown. Get out while you can.

And speaking of the world-dominating golden arches, I believe that this British invasion is a huge reason that you are now suffering with 2012 growing across your nation like a profit-generating cancer. McDonald's and all the other non-athletic sponsors sniffed out this wave of international infatuation with all things royal and decided that was where they were going to plant their ringed flag. Wait, since the Olympic committee is based in France, could this be considered an invasion?

Comment by hopelesscynic on May 6, 2012 at 3:25pm

Yeah, they seem to use "British" as a euphemism for "Londoner" which in itself is a euphemism for "Anyone Who Still Gives a Crap" which is actually Boris Johnson. I will now refer to the Games as the Boris Games. Thanks for commenting, Welsh Cynic. DFTBA!

Comment by Alex Milne on May 6, 2012 at 2:57pm

You should try living in Wales. Everyone is like "All of Britian are involved" but no, no, not at all... Where I come from the torch isn't even being carried by locals, they are being carried by someone from London, someone from York, and someone from Russia.

The government should stop pretending that this is the British Olympic, they might use Welsh tax payer money but it has nothing to do with Wales.... That is all from my rant.

Comment by hopelesscynic on May 5, 2012 at 11:38am

Also, check out this wonderfully cynical article by Charlie Brooker on our current grumpiness about the Olympics:

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