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[Jess]

Any way you write it, it’s the same.

It was obvious from the beginning. It made me jump when I saw that he was talking to me. I couldn’t believe that the person I liked talked to me. Normally I just admire them and have to make an effort for them to like me, but that never works out. You can’t make someone like you, it just happens. There is no explanation. It just happens.
For weeks we would just talk about our homework. He would make excuses to talk to me. He seemed to always lose the homework or something. I knew it was a lie. But I went on with it. Somehow after we started talking about other things, just random things. We talked for about four hours, about anything. We are both very random. We ask really out of the blue questions. That’s the good thing. “S’all good.” he would say.
The night my mother went to sleep early was the chance I got to talk to him ever longer than before. When she shouted me to go to sleep, I moved my computer quickly on to my bed. I said good night and then went in not to sleep for a few more hours.

I was talking to other people. They still hadn’t done their homework even though it was about 11:30. I was distracting them. I seem to do that a lot to everyone. After an hour they had all signed off and did their homework or went to sleep. I was still talking to him. I was still disappointed because he never really talked to me in person at school. I thought I was just his cure for boredom. But when he told me that he got nervous, I realized it was something different. I wanted to say this before but I was scared because all of the other times with no return. Then he wrote a long message. He said he wanted to do this in person but he will do it now. He was asking me to the movies on Saturday. I could not believe it. Someone liked me while I liked them. I stuffed my face in a pillow and silently squealed. It was 2:30 and I was tired. He also made a plan to meet after school. I was so nervous to have to talk to him in person.

At school I saw him come out the room next to my class. I jumped into the room next to it and hid. I watched him walk away and not notice me. After that class I saw him again in the hallway. There was nowhere to hide. He tried talking to me. I was really nervous and didn’t know what to say. I just babbled on about my locker and how it doesn’t open. I saw him again just before school ended. We were in the stairwell; I apologized for making everything awkward. He said “See you at 3.” I could feel my heart beat faster and I couldn’t really breathe. I ran to my friends and gave them a hug. I was so happy. At three the feeling came back again. I was trying to hide but I wanted to go. We walked out to the park and our friends always made it worse by talking really weird to us. It was becoming awkward but somehow I found it comforting.

I was freezing and nervous. I was shaking and shivering. After awhile he put his arm to keep me warm. I wouldn’t stop shivering. I also could never look him in the eye for too long. He tried to make me feel better but I think it was him so it never worked. I wish it would have been just perfect weather. Not hot but not as cold as it was.
The feeling I had was a feeling that everyone tries to write to their best ability but it never seems to be as great as really being there and feeling it. Any way you write it, it’s still the same.