missy Margo made Me Think.

[Kim Nikole Rosella]

I just finished reading Paper Towns by the awesome John Green.  But when I noticed Nerdfighter lingo in the text I'm like: I haven't finished reading this book and I like it already.  But then I stopped and started to think.  On my birthday I went to the movies with my boyfriend at that time.  Evan Henry as I will call him since that is his first and middle name as he regrets me ever finding out his middle name.  (We were dating when I found out too so he was utterly caught off guard when I called him by his full name.)  ANYWAY.  While waiting for the movie to start we watched ads on the screen but a Honda ad made Evan turn to me and say "We should go on a road trip."  His eyes held excitement but I just looked at him.  It was extremely random and we both were minors at the time.  Then he added, "When we're older, you know."  I just laughed. 
Evan always had off the wall ideas, like me, but reading paper towns made me remember this random time of Evan wanting to get away from our hometown, like Margo.  When we went bowling with my sister and my best friend he said he was going to college in California, far from Ohio where I live.  I was saddened by this, if I leave my home I will be disowned from my family.  I always wanted to get away.  But I can't or I can never see my family again.  It really hurt when he looked at me and said "Aren't you coming with me?"  I never really answered him if I remember right. 
Evan never knew all my limitations, he doesn't know that I am not allowed to basically choose my own major in college. I am being a journalist. Nothing that I actually want to do. But it doesn't matter.
I would enjoy getting away from my world for a while. I spent ten days in Europe not long ago and I had no problem with that excet the food was a little weird and we just kept on eating out, that really bothered me since my family only rarely ate out from a resturant. Plus while we were in Paris I started to miss the one guy I really cared about. Evan. I was sitting across from his friend as I started crying from missing him. I didn't hardly eat anything that meal. One: the food tasted funny and Two: when I am upset and I cry I don't eat. Anything. Period. I spent most of that meal drinking water because water make me feel better. That's why I drink it. I felt so lonely in Paris.
This thought kept running through my head while in Paris: "I miss a boy that I know doesn't miss me." But while in Paris me and my sister got seperated from the group and we got lost. Once we were found and joined back with the group I was absolutely pissed. I could have had fire coming out of my eyes if it were possible. My older sister kept asking what was wrong but I refused to talk about it. "Leave me alone if you want to live."
I was throughly into Eris, the other personality I have when I am angry enough. I was mad because I had to comfort my older sister and no one cared. It takes a community to raise a child, that is what I was taught growing up and what I was expected to do.
Right then I didn't give a merde. I would have commited murder and not care. The more time I had to breathe and drink water I would have been just fine. I eventually came down and became me again. But then came the sadness again. I missed Evan, he used to make me feel better. But I knew he didn't miss me, he hates me.
So I started thinking, what would a road trip be like? I would gladly take me and Evan in my family's van. Nothing happening after that. Ick.