Hello Nerdfighters, Human Beings, Time Lords and other able viewers!
So today I thought I’d do a Thoughts from Places blog. I know it’s different because you can’t see or hear things, but hopefully my writing skills will allow you to see and hear things even though you can’t...
Sorry, I’m slightly distracted as I write this. In the bottom right corner of my screen, my current Skype call is headbanging to his music.
Anyway, here I go:
There’s a certain kind of happiness that fills me from the bottom up when I listen to Headfirst for Halos. The intro, though long and sweet with a nice ending, makes me want to dance. Not happy dance or waltz dance, but the kind of dance where you don’t give a f*ck, and you don’t care if your mom walks in on you as you pretend to be an airplane, spinning around your room, trying not to bump into things. The feelings of listening to such and intense song from My Chemical Romance’s first album is exhilarating.
I remember when I first started listening to My Chemical Romance’s songs. I was in sixth grade, and my friend was walking with me between classes. She was walking, but I was in my wheelchair, and she said, “Rebecca, have you ever listened to My Chemical Romance?”
“No,” I replied. I hadn’t heard of the band, nor had I heard any of their music, and I was very happy when I got home and listened to their music on YouTube. It was like, a door or window opening for me. I was filled with this sense of, this music is telling me where I belong. It wasn’t long after that day that I went through a minor stage of teenage depression, and stopped listening to happy music that I used to love from Disney Channel.
As I walk through the small town next to the smaller town that I live in, I can’t help but put my headphones in and listen to bands similar to My Chemical Romance of Nevershoutnever, or Adele. Their songs, though uplifting, give me the happy, air-light feeling that I’m floating, or falling from the Empire State Building. We Are Young by Fun gives me this feeling especially, and not just because they mention the Empire State in their song.
It’s been about a month and a half since I’ve been truly happy. This is due to the fact that my ex-boyfriend broke up with me, and that story is in another blog post of mine. The point is, now I feel happy again. I feel as if I’ve thrown myself from the highest building. Maybe it’d be safer if I imagined falling from the Statue of Liberty, that way I’d at least land in water.
There’s also something strangely calming about being so deep underwater where your lungs are compressed inside your chest, and your eyes go blank. There’s a certain feeling that I love about almost dying, those near death experiences that make you love life and love danger.
I’m the type of girl that would love to go skydiving and fall from thousands of feet up. I’m the type of girl that wouldn’t mind facing down a grizzly bear or walking through the congo. I’m not afraid of a lot of things, and the things I am afraid of are stupid.
We, as humans, believe that it is possible to be afraid of feelings, like how I’m constantly afraid of rejection from fellow nerdfighters and from people at my school. Part of me wishes that such fears, though irrational and not completely explained, could be wiped out of me completely. It’s too bad that I just don’t have the self-confidence to be afraid of rejection, since I’ve been rejected so many times, and not just like-like rejection, but friend-like rejection.
I’m hoping, as I now sit here in my room, staring out my window at the beach nut tree and my dad’s garden, and the woods behind my house, that I too can be at peace with myself one day.
- Tyme Knight