On Saturday I bought ten tortillas from one of my neighbors with the intention of making enchiladas. I felt all warm and fuzzy for buying them to support a local family instead of a mega-conglomerate.
The next day I realized that I was missing : salsa for the sauce, onions and cheese. So basically the only thing that I had to make enchiladas was the tortillas. Oh well, surely I will find the time to get to the store.
It is Tuesday night and I stopped in at the store on the way home to get the necessary supplies, knowing that because the tortilla's were not made by a mega-conglomerate they were very close to being inedible.
As if to counter the warm fuzzy feeling when I bought them, this morning tiny chickens began to roost behind my eyes and in my throat.
Getting the food stuffs took too long and by the time I got home it was 10:30. I sat in my kitchen a moment and pondered my self induced problem. If I hadn't have bought the tortillas, then I wouldn't have bought $5 worth of other ingredients. If I hadn't committed to enchiladas, then I wouldn't have to spend what was left of my energy making food. I was hungry but I could just have a corn dog. The torn feeling I had at that moment. I had already spent so much energy trying to meet a self imposed expectation. I didn't want to waste that energy, but I didn't want to spend the next 30 minute's cooking either. I just wanted to go to bed.
In the end I made the enchiladas. I only had one because it is so late.
This brings me to a thought about planing and expectations. The only person I would had disappointed was me and it was in my best immediate interest to bail on my plans. Just couldn't do it.
Does anyone else feel this way? Why do I find it so hard to change my mind once it has been made, no mater how stupid?