Tiny Chickens and Enchiladas

[Andream]

On Saturday I bought ten tortillas from one of my neighbors with the intention of making enchiladas. I felt all warm and fuzzy for buying them to support a local family instead of a mega-conglomerate.

The next day I realized that I was missing : salsa for the sauce, onions and cheese. So basically the only thing that I had to make enchiladas was the tortillas. Oh well, surely I will find the time to get to the store.

It is Tuesday night and I stopped in at the store on the way home to get the necessary supplies, knowing that because the tortilla's were not made by a mega-conglomerate they were very close to being inedible.

As if to counter the warm fuzzy feeling when I bought them, this morning tiny chickens began to roost behind my eyes and in my throat.

Getting the food stuffs took too long and by the time I got home it was 10:30. I sat in my kitchen a moment and pondered my self induced problem. If I hadn't have bought the tortillas, then I wouldn't have bought $5 worth of other ingredients. If I hadn't committed to enchiladas, then I wouldn't have to spend what was left of my energy making food. I was hungry but I could just have a corn dog. The torn feeling I had at that moment. I had already spent so much energy trying to meet a self imposed expectation. I didn't want to waste that energy, but I didn't want to spend the next 30 minute's cooking either. I just wanted to go to bed.

In the end I made the enchiladas. I only had one because it is so late.

This brings me to a thought about planing and expectations. The only person I would had disappointed was me and it was in my best immediate interest to bail on my plans. Just couldn't do it.

Does anyone else feel this way? Why do I find it so hard to change my mind once it has been made, no mater how stupid?

[Sarah H]

I totally get this.  It's a problem I've had to really start facing: if I lay down expectations (often ones that are downright impossible, like perfection) for myself and am disappointed when I fail, what kind of life will I lead? On the other hand, I think there's also problems with the person who sets no goals and doesn't try to do anything challenging.  I dunno.  Balance in all things.