I was complimented today by a male friend, who said he respected me because I don't lead guys on like a lot of girls do. While this may be all well and good, I don't even know how to lead on guys that I want to lead on. My amount of romantic experience is literally amoebic. It is best viewed under a microscope under the oil immersion lens. I've never had a boyfriend, the only guy whose ever asked me out was desperate, and I ain’t even been kissed yet. I’m 21. I'm not old and it's not that I’m in any hurry to find a relationship but when you're single as you can be while all your friends are chewing through boyfriends like tissue paper, you begins to wonder if there’s something wrong with you.
And the thing is... I know full well what is wrong with me. In fact, there are several personality flaws that attribute to my single-ness:
(1) I’m far too shy to go out and find me a man and my typical course of action when I like someone is to avoid him like the plague to avoid hurt and ridicule which will do me no good in the long run anyway.
(2) I’m too dense to notice if a guy was ever actually interested in me.
(3) I’m too bloody proud to willingly allow anyone to set me up, even my most trusted friends.
(4) Although I don’t think I’m an unattractive person, I’m not nearly attractive enough to entice a man to pursue me with the copious amount of fortitude it would take to actually convince me of his intentions.
(5) I’m not desperate. (A girl has to have some standards, ya know!) I want a kind Christian man with some intelligence who is not a heavy drinker, not a smoker, is no more than 6 years older or 2 years younger than me, can make me laugh, and loves kids. It’s not a large or unreasonable list of standards but with all of the flaws of mine listed above, the kind of man I need would have to be a very dedicated and patient man who actually thought I was worth it, and that’s going to be difficult to come by. Especially if I can't get to know a guy well enough for him to consider me worth the trouble.
And this, ladies and gentlemen, is why Sarah is still single.
But there is a ray hope at the end of this tunnel. For you see... I am allergic to cats. If I was destined to become the crazy cat lady then why, I ask you, would God have made me allergic to cats? I can’t be the crazy cat lady! So somewhere out there is a kind and honorable man who will not run screaming towards the hills at the idea of marrying me and who will not try to chew his own arm off in a desperate attempt to escape from me. Somewhere...