A crazy budgie flapping next to you?! Oh dear God! I would attempt to tell you something interesting that's happening to me ... but I'm failing on that front. Shakespeare's watching me as I eat a bar of Dairy Milk? Other than that, I'm great!
I'm glad my reply made you smile. I'm happy now.
I like Kenny's comment. The thought of an American accent saying the word 'wanker' makes me chuckle.
I don't find any English English words weird because i grew up reading Harry Potter, and many of the books/comics i read have English people in them, so I'm mostly used to your language.
But I must say I do enjoy using words like "bollocks", "wanker", and "bugger". They're just so much more useful words then our versions of them (I mean, I can't say someone testicled something up, but i can say they bollocksed it up. I also can't call someone a masturbater, but i can call them a wanker. English English pwns)